


Showing the now.

by thisismybrainrain



Series: centuries of brooding and blood [5]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, F/F, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5133685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismybrainrain/pseuds/thisismybrainrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>carmilla takes laura to the graves of her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Showing the now.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skeletonannie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonannie/gifts).



/People you’ve been before  
That you don’t want around anymore/

This was the first time you’d taken Laura to the graves of your family.

The first you’d taken anyone apart from Mattie and Giles. 

Laura was the now. 

She was still so fresh. It felt like she’d opened your grey cavity of a chest and scattered all of your favourite constellations – maybe she was your favourite constellation now- scattered in between your bones and, every time you breathed you knew who you were. knew who you were now and how you loved.  


How you felt oh, you felt and you loved her. Loved her like nothing else you’d ever loved. Loving her made you love yourself because of how much she loved you. You’d been worried in the beginning that it was one sided that you were projecting your ideals, your three hundred years of heart eyed fantasies refracting back to yours but no, they were hers, her feelings, she owned them. 

Made sure to remind you every chance she got. 

Like this moment, when she pulled out her small shuffle i-pod and presented it to you in her delicate palm.

The veins were so blue beneath her summer kissed skin 

and you wanted to place a kiss there.

You wanted so badly for her to cradle your head with the youth in her bones with the youth you never got to know fully that you were forever stuck in.

She said, ‘this is between the bars by elliot smith. this is the song I wanted us to listen to because, carm, it’s so good for this moment and I know you’ll like it so much.’

You nodded at this somber gesture.

Laura so thoughtful, always caring and knowing and observing.

Even after the fight and the retreat you could not believe in moments like these how lucky you were, how the world had crafted such a human creature. One of such compassion and dorkiness and light.

She put an ear bud into your right ear and one into her left.

There was silence as the chords began to play. She lead you to the stone bench at the end of the tombs and you sat listening. 

/all the people you’ve been before/

So many lives

Of all these along with the moments in the before, when you were a human girl on the cusp of something on the cusp of learning and becoming. With your mother in the stables, playing with your brothers and sisters in the gardens.  
Reading to your father in the library and, now, with laura, introducing them to her for the first time.

She reached over and kissed your hairline and you felt your throat constrict.

She moved her hand to your back and reached underneath your jacket to rub circles against your bare skin, you didn’t feel the autumn wind, just the soft scratch of her hand against your spine.

‘This is my mother, cupcake and my father and my two brothers and my three sisters. By the time I was out of the ground they were dead Laura. the wars and illness had taken them,’ you heard your own voice crack.

‘Oh, carm,’ she turned to you then tears in her eyes, lip between her teeth and she drew you into her side she was warm she smelt of home. This was a big step you both knew it.

 

She moved to pull you up by your hands and pulled you to her and at the edge of the stone graves, she pulled you into a waltz of sorts. The song clicked over into repeating

/That push and shove and won’t bend to your will  
I’ll keep them still/

That’s what laura did, you thought, as you swayed together along with his words  
she kept you from running to far, she kept you lighter on your heavy days, as you stood on the perpetual altar of (undeath) death. She made you feel so very alive.

**Author's Note:**

> cole is the best/worst for sending me this song but it made my write this so thanks, friend 
> 
> thank you to the creators of these characters
> 
> thank you to elliot smith, also. because bless your soul wherever you are now.
> 
> and to cole for the inspiration as per usual
> 
> thank you to anne carson for inspiring this also in someway I'm sure 
> 
> find me on tumblr thisismybrainrain


End file.
